I surrender all!

The movie tickets had been booked. I had been eagerly waiting for the release of the movie ‘The Least of These’. We had booked for the 10pm show hoping my two year old would be fast asleep by then. The movie was based on the remarkable true life story of Dr.Graham Staines, the Australian missionary who was matyred for his mission work among the lepers of the Indian State of Odisha.

It was January 23rd, 1999 when the news of the brutal murder of Dr.Staines and his two sons sent shock waves across the nation. The incident had made an impact on me, a sixth grader then, when I learnt the power of sacrifice and forgiveness. Now, almost two decades later, as I watched the movie, the forgotten account of the Staines family was brought back alive.

Dr.Staines had felt called to global missions as a teenager, when he had seen a picture of a boy with leprosy. Having grown up in Vellore all my life, the life of Dr.Ida Scudder, the founder of India’s biggest mission hospital, had an impact on me and I’ve always wanted to become a medical missionary. Decades have gone by and now, as a mother of two young children, Dr.Staines’ commitment reminded me of my own decision I had made as a child and of these lines by CT.Studd-

“Only one life, yes only one,

Soon will its fleeting hours be done;

Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet,

And stand before His Judgement seat;

Only one life, ’twill soon be past,

Only what’s done for Christ will last.”

As the movie progressed, I couldn’t help the tears that rolled down-tears for the two young women, Gladys and Esther, who could still feel the pain of the loss to this day. Knowing that the pain from the sudden loss of a loved one remains for a life time,  I couldn’t even imagine the rugged terrain they have been treading. This huge unexpected loss calls for true courage.

God had prepared Gladys Staines (wife of Dr.Staines) for bearing this greatest grief.  She recalls:

 “I believe God very specially spoke to me on January 14, during my morning quiet time.  I use a particular daily Bible reading book as help.  The story for that day’s reading ran like this:  There was a young 12-year-old girl in hospital that was losing her sight.  Her pastor came to visit her and she told him, “Pastor, God is taking away my sight.”  For a long time, the pastor kept silent and then said, “Jessie, don’t let Him.”  The girl was puzzled, and then the wise pastor said, “Give it to Him”.  As I meditated upon this story, an inner voice asked me whether I was also willing to give all that I love – my husband, children, and possessions for Him.  I spent much time on this.  Tears began to roll down my cheeks.  Then I told Him, “Lord Jesus, yes, I am willing.  Take all that have, for your use – my husband, children and everything that I have.  I surrender them all to You…The Lord comforted me by saying, “don’t you know that Abraham pleased me by sacrificing his only son, Isaac….” These days, our blessed Lord has been strengthening me in very unusual ways.”

What a testimony! Are we willing to give God everything we have? A complete surrender? Do we mean it when we sing,

"I surrender all,

I surrender all.

All to Thee, my blessed Savior,

I surrender all ?"

Be a blessing!

As the month of December rolled in, a Whatsapp forward read, “Hello December, please be a good month and bring smiles to me, my family and friends”. Despite what the forward may say, Christmas is not the most wonderful time of the year for everyone. The advent of the special month of December brought with it the disheartening news of the passing away of a family friend who had given up her battle against cancer. To hear of two more friends with the same diagnosis added to the heartache. We all love Christmas and the cheer it brings with it-carols, shopping, lights, decorations, parties. Yet to those who’ve just lost a loved one or who have just been diagnosed with a deadly disease, the thought of celebrations can be unbearably difficult. For them, the “most wonderful time of the year” can actually feel incredibly painful and lonely.

I still remember the Christmas of 2010, when we had just lost my brother a few months earlier. We wished we could just 'cancel’ Christmas. It was a time to be with family, and the enormous gap left by the death of my brother was intensified. The loss and the grief magnified. Christmas couldn’t be the same as it was because our family was not the same – not complete. We packed off to Saudi Arabia where my dad worked to spend the winter holidays hoping that navigating the rough terrain would be easier if we could just ‘hide’ ourselves.We forwent the tradition of buying new clothes for Christmas but will be grateful to our thoughtful friend who bought clothes for us all that year. Our church family at Saudi gave us all the love they could possibly give, making sure we were comfortable and taken care of, especially on Christmas day.

It is quite natural for us to be preoccupied with programs and celebrations but this year, amidst all that, let us make sure to be a blessing to those going through a difficult time. Your support could mean a lot during their most emotionally trying time.

To those of you going through a hard time with a looming shadow over the Christmas season, with a yearning for what might have been, take heart! The only way we are made stronger is when we give our pain to Jesus. A silent prayer with a heart full of gratitude to the One who became man to save you and me is a celebration in itself! My circumstances don’t have to give me a reason to rejoice but knowing that my Lord’s birth has given you and me a new life has to! All of the superficial things that accompany the season-Santa, parties, lights, decorations-they can leave you all the more empty if you miss out on the Reason for the season. The real joy comes from knowing this Savior. 

Loss,love and lessons

Five years.Five LONG years have rolled by since my brother went to be with Jesus.A lot has happened in these years, and I often think how different life would be if he was still around.How my daughter would have enjoyed bike and car rides with her 'maama' ,how his sense of humor would've made our family gatherings merrier,how his presence would've made our vacations more fun....We miss him.Yet God had a plan, the mystery of which I would never grasp.But we know by faith that everything happened according to His perfect timing and plan.

It's not until you lose a loved one ,you realize how much family means to you.In the wink of an eye, your loved ones can be gone.Just like that.I realized that life has been given to love-to love those around,to love selflessly and unconditionally,to give and forgive.There is no point in harboring bitterness or holding a grudge against anyone.Really.

Birthdays ,anniversaries have always been joyous occasions at home to reminisce about God's faithfulness.Growing up,my brother and I used to make cards for Mom or Dad for their birthdays.On his last birthday,though abroad, I managed to call him at midnight IST (Well,I wanted to be the first to wish!). The previous year,I remember making a special breakfast for him since my parents were away and I even gave the homemade kesari to a neighbor.These small celebrations created memories.Memories that will linger on and be cherished forever.

Sheryl Sandberg,on the recent loss of her husband writes,"I have learned gratitude. Real gratitude for the things I took for granted before—like life. As heartbroken as I am, I look at my children each day and rejoice that they are alive. I appreciate every smile, every hug. I no longer take each day for granted. When a friend told me that he hates birthdays and so he was not celebrating his, I looked at him and said through tears, “Celebrate your birthday, goddammit. You are lucky to have each one.” My next birthday will be depressing as hell, but I am determined to celebrate it in my heart more than I have ever celebrated a birthday before." Everyday with your loved one is a gift.Cherish it.Celebrate it.

They say,'In every pew sits a broken heart'.When tragedy struck,not only did we become more aware of the comforting embrace of a faithful God but also our eyes were opened to the suffering of those around us.There were people with far greater problems than my loss.Pain had a purpose and we were were comforted to comfort.

Friends matter.Friends who stick with you for the long haul.I remember that tragic night when so many of our family friends came over and stayed well beyond midnight.We are thankful for those friends who sat quietly as we grieved,who were available at a moment's notice,who made us food, who prayed with us,who prayed for us,who visited us,who gave us their resources,energy and time.One piece of advice my mom gave to us, newlyweds back then, was this- "Gain friends.Friends on whom you can depend on anytime,anywhere.They matter a lot."

Life here is short.As God's children, we are called to live life in light of eternity.Living life from an eternal perspective changes our priorities ,our values ,our relationships and our character.Paul in his second letter to Timothy writes," I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."

At the end of my race ,will I be able to say that?Will you be able to say that?

One of my favourite pictures with my brother.

Ragil,meet you on the other side.we miss you!